Dread

This is my first entry in my Dream Journal, to help me on my way to lucid dreaming. I went to bed very tired at about 9 pm. I laid in bed for n hour on my back, counting my slow breaths until I felt that familiar sensation of sleep paralysis, pushing down on me. I could be very aware of my surroundings, is the best way I can describe it, where even though I know my eyes are closed and I cannot open them, I can see my bedroom clearly. This usually would fade after a few moments and I would slip into a regular dream, which I will get to later. Perhaps the difference was that tonight I tried to slip into SP on my own, instead of when it usually happens for me - right after vivid REM sleep, usually with intense HH. Tonight I had little HH, for once - only soft whooshing sounds, faint shaking of my environment (as if in an earthquake), and pressure on my body. Maybe I was scaring myself - my SP is often frightening, and I kept remembering violent HH I had had in the past. Anyway, once I was in a twilight-state of paralysis and wakefulness, I would somehow hear the phrase in my head, "Am I dreaming?", followed by a horrible sense of dread, which would jolt me from my attempt. Another possible variable is that I have a headcold, therefore my breathing is irregular, often slowing or picking up speed. I eventually fell asleep after giving up around 10:15. It is now exactly two hours later. For once I do not remember much, seeing as out of habit I tried to just fall back asleep as opposed to trying to focus on the more intense parts of my dream. I will be going back to bed in a few moments, trying again a few times to enter the middle-state on my own terms.