An account

I have not been on in a while due to night terrors and other problems due to my epilepsy getting in the way but I am here now, and I feel like I want to do this more than ever. I started this process because of my night terrors and now they are back with a vengeance and I wish I knew the reason. I could make a few guesses but I really think none of them would suffice. I dreamt of a a girl (that I do not remember remembering) being raped. I dreamt that I literally blew up my cousin. She used to be my best friend and I seemed to be happy about it in this dream. It may sound stupid in writing but sadly (and pathetically) it is not. I dreamt of my brothers death. I dreamt that I was crying and crying and running and crying and could not escape whatever was chasing me. I started this to escape this dreams where I ran. Not only that but also to maybe escape the boredom of my life and the sadness i felt. As these nightmares hit me with a new, and almost fresh, sting I cannot help feeling helpless. Since I do not seem to be getting any better at what I am doing. I hope that this changes. and that I do not lose hope. And that I can defeat this thing devouring me every night. As i type this and I know no one will read it I feel comfortable with that. I never really felt like anyone heard my call in the first place. But I will be fine.