Voices

This was one of the most powerfully frightening and sleep episodes to date. I am floating in a sensory deprivation tank. I chose to do an hour and a half session since it had been a long day. This experience happened in the later half of the float. I am listening to music. It is sort of a slow, funky RandB beat with a man singing directly to me. He has a wonderful, deep voice that sent me deeper into my comfort zone. I realize quickly that this is not the wake up music for my session, it is all in my head. I smile, or at least I think I do, and continue listening for a whole, beautiful minute. It is amazing what your mind can create in sensory deprivation. The music fades and a twitch brings me back to present. "That was wonderful," I thought. "That is more than enough to write about." Reflecting back on all this, I now know I experienced a false awakening, and a very convincing one at that. So, in my false awakening: I am going to flip onto my stomach for the last 30 seconds of my float (sometimes when I know I am about to get out of the tank, I lay face down for as long as I can hold my breath. It feels good on my back). My extremities feel numb, but I manage to flip over. I soon realize I am paralyzed. I have no control over my legs or arms and worst of all, my face is under water. I begin to panic. A hot rush of survival fear rushes me through my situation. My mouth is muffled by water and my arms cannot find their way to bang on the wall for help. I am going to die. I hold my breath as long as I can until I realize there is no use fighting it anymore. I have to inhale. I choose not to have my life flash before my eyes, since I knew inhaling the super saturated salt water would burn out any sentiment I could gather, so I just decided to go for it. A moment of courage. With all my strength, I take a mighty breath. Farewell. Woosh. I am back in my real body, frantically trying to catch my breath and calm my nerves. I knew exactly what had happened, having experienced false awakenings and sleep paralysis before. Never have both happened simultaneously. I was rattled, I still am. I accepted death. Rather than inhaling the salt water, I took the most refreshing gasp I have ever tasted. It was beautifully humbling experience.