An account

1983/82 Non-lucid/partial lucidness Dream Memorable Vivid - After my <PERSON> passed away, I was very disturbed by her leaving this world. One night, I lay in bed and tried to imagine what she might be feeling - how would it feel to be 'dead'. With these thoughts in my mind, I fell asleep. As the dream began, I found myself swimming. It was probably a typical swimming pool. I tried to come up for air and found a see-through barrier preventing me from getting to the surface. I swam left and right to no avail. The dream shifted. I believe I became conscious. I wondered how would one feel if they were dead? I began shutting down each of my senses. I figured one would not be able to hear and then I could not hear. One would not be able to see and then I could not see anything but black. One would not be able to feel.and this is where it changed again. I felt cut off and isolated. I was floating (seemingly) in this blackness - all alone - without sight, without hearing, without feeling. I did not exist. No one worried about me. I had no worries but I had no joys either. And then...I became terrified. I wanted to mean something to someone. I wanted to be remembered. I wanted to feel and see and hear. I woke up. *Afterthought: Looking back on this dream, I often wonder if I had not just gone to the void that I found after years of meditating? To a child, the void might seem terrifying especially if you do not know what it is. But when I found the void as an adult, it was peaceful. And because you are meditating and your focus is internal - not external - I do not hear anything, or feel anything, or think anything. I could have, if I would wanted to. But the goal was to focus and clear the mind - clear them mind of all that is. Only after clearing the mind can one be able to hear other things and see other things. Before that you only hear what is yours to hear. ... your own noise. And if someone/something else was talking to you, you would never hear them above your own chatter. So, as a child, the void, if that is what I entered, was a nightmare. The unknown can be terrifying...