An account

In my dream my husband is out of town (as he is in real life). In my dream I asked a coworker out on a date, and he happily accepted. See this is a perfect example of why I want to lucid dream. This is not who I am in waking life. This is not who I want to be. This is not who I choose to be. Yes, I am lonely when my husband is out of town I get it. I will also admit that I like this coworker ... as a coworker, as a buddy, as someone to share ideas with and to joke with. Infidelity is a big no-no for me, and I also get that my mind therefore decided to present me with this scenario to shock me, to tell me "See I know how to push your buttons." Here is something that would really bother you. But we already knew that! We already knew that I am struggling with self-esteem issues and with taking control over who I want to perceive myself as and deciding what is proper. This however I know is not proper. And I refuse to think that I "need" this, so subconscious fuck off! I am going to relearn lucid dreaming, and make sure that I get to decide what I do and what is right for me. If I am so fucking lonely tonight, why not give me a dream of my husband instead. That would have been nice, ok? But no, my subconscious, you decided to play games with me. Well, I do not appreciate that! In an hour I need to get up and go to work and face this coworker, and forget that my subconscious asked him out on a date.